the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
