I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Girls should come with a carfax report
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
