I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's always time for handjobs
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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