when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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