i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
