is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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