I feel like abortions should bother me more
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
