I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
