my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
