So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
