Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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