I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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