She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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