There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
