i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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