2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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