Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize