I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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