i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
