yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
