I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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