i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
