I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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