Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
