forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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