I wish I could teleport
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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