Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
