i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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