So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
