Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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