you guys were way drunker than both of me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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