You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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