hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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