She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
