I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize