she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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