Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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