My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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