PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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