Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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