I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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