you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
