Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
