Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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