i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
