Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
