I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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