Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
