Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
