Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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