I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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