I wish I only lived at night.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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