Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
