I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
