literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
