I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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