Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
