I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
