it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
