After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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