May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
