im having a threesome with these popsicles
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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