OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
