so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
