theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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