I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
