Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
