I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
