i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
