So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
