Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
